If you have a parent in Assisted Living or Long Term Care you are likely trying to balance visits with them along with the other extras that are your reality at this time of year. I experienced that myself for a number of years before my mom passed away about this time last year.
While doing some reading I recently came upon this great article written by Chloe Hamilton from Warm Embrace Elder Care.
Perhaps you’ll find her observations helpful as you visit with loved ones over the Christmas season or as you speak with siblings/family members about providing the best possible support for your aging parents.
Chloe says:
Here are the top 5 reasons that families need a caregiver for their parent in long-term care:
1. To Supplement Family Visits
You know how important it is for your father to have a regular visitor, but you just can’t keep doing it all yourself. You can’t manage your own household and your career while also being at the long-term care home daily. He thrives with one-on-one support, but it can’t be you every day.
Warm Embrace caregivers supplement family visits. We never replace family, but we can provide support when a family cannot be present. We ensure that your loved one has a wonderful day and is in better spirits so you don’t feel guilty about not visiting.
2. Family dynamics
Let’s be honest—your family wasn’t exactly the Brady Bunch (don’t worry, neither was mine!). Deep down, you love your parents and your siblings, but loving someone doesn’t mean you get along well! Decades of history aren’t erased just because parents become elderly and require more care. Sometimes, those long-standing family issues become even more emphasized when the patriarch or matriarch becomes ill.
You want the best for your parent, and you believe regular visits would benefit your father. Truth be told, you’re not the best person to be doing the visiting. It may not be the most beneficial for your father, and it definitely won’t be good for you. The kindest thing you can do is provide a visitor who can appreciate your father unconditionally—no strings attached, no history, no family dynamics.
3. Families Spread out Geographically
Today’s families are spread across the country and even across the globe! It is not uncommon to have siblings living in different time zones and various countries. With families at a distance, it can be difficult to visit your parent in a nursing home regularly. A local caregiver can provide the tender, loving care that you wish you could provide, if only you lived closer.
Maybe your siblings visit often and you feel bad that you’re not able to contribute. You can send a substitute on your behalf! Of course, we can’t fill your shoes, but we can provide a visit that alleviates your siblings from feeling like everything has been left up to them.
4. Interrupting Patterns
This fits closely with family dynamics, but it is slightly different. Family dynamics are what happens between people; interrupting patterns has more to do with your parent’s personal pattern. Your parent does not yet have a pattern with us, so we have the chance to have a completely fresh start.
Does your mother have a pattern of complaining every time she sees you? We hear this all the time. Your mother complains endlessly to you, but the nurses tell you that she is a sweetheart to deal with. How is it that she can seem like two different people? Your mother may have an ingrained pattern; when she is with you, she complains about anything and everything.
We can’t promise to change your mother’s pattern. What we can do is interrupt that pattern by starting from scratch. Our visits can remain focused on the positive which will keep her in better spirits and prevent you from feeling frustrated over constantly negative visits.
5. Extended family
Your great-aunt listed you as her Power of Attorney and she’s now been moved into a long-term care home. You visit when you can, but all she talks about is how lonely she is and how she wishes you would visit every day. Your own family and career already keep you busy and now your own parents are starting to need some assistance. . . there’s just no way you can visit your great-aunt as regularly as she’d like.
Having a caregiver visit regularly is the perfect solution for those who do not have a close family. We become their proxy family members. We can visit daily and provide the companionship and stimulation that they are seeking—while alleviating you of the guilt that you can’t visit more often.
Remember—the caregiver who is visiting your parent may be enlisted as much for your sake as for your parent’s sake, and that is perfectly okay. We would be honoured to visit your loved one in Long-term Care!
Chloe Hamilton founded Warm Embrace Elder Care in 2011 and has been serving local families since. Warm Embrace is a family business operated by Chloe and her mother Brenda, and her sister Avery.
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